I am here to write one of my last entries. I have decided to follow the concept of Intuitive Eating. My husband and I have decided this is pretty much the last book on eating/dieting that we are going to read. We are still struggling to embrace the concept but in the long run it will be the best for us. The concept embraces hunger and fullness. Eating to satisfy. Eating 90% nutritious food and 10% play food. Diet is not in our vocabulary. Regular exercise for the enjoyment of moving our bodies but not to lose weight. The end result is not being ruled by food and getting slowly to the right weight. Life is going well. I am embracing life much more and not struggling so much. I have put on the shelf the Twinless Twin work until it is the right time. The book is at my bedside...not to be forgotten. I have so enjoyed blogging for the richness it has brought to my life for a season. I continue to pray for all of you bloggers daily. I am not closing the door but maybe just leaving it open just a crack.
I am a twinless twin. The issues on the road to transformation are presently from the most distant past of my life. Apparently a twinless twin bonds in utero with both the mother and the other twin. The loss of a twin in either the womb, after birth (3 days in my case), in childhood, adulthood or as a result of trauma is a major event to be worked through akin to losing a mother. The surviving twin needs to complete the unresolved grief process to go on. The struggles for a twin losing a twin shortly after birth are: a feeling of not belonging, looking for what is missing in their life, the suicide rate in twinless twins is 7 times that of the general population, feelings of alienation and isolation, feeling different from their age group growing up, surviving twins strive to demonstrate their autonomy and completeness, conflicts occur between striving for identity and striving to be united with the other twin which brings on guilt, and they have a private world, that another human being cannot understand unless they are a twinless twin, in relating to what life and death have brought on.
I have been faced with this part of my life in the last week. I can say that most of what I have read is true for me. There were areas of my life that were slowing me down and preventing me from being all that God wants me to be. By Gods grace I was able to trace the root of my struggle back to this area of my life. With some prayer and reading about twinless twins I was able to start the healing and grief process. I am experiencing a freedom and energy in my life that I have never embraced before. I have realized that this is a fairly unique and rare situation. My sweet husband, who I think has a good measure of wisdom and understanding looked at me blankly when I told him about this twinless twin struggle. He just could not relate to it at all. He was able to see the effects of being a twinless twin with unresolved issues have had on me. He has also enjoyed a wife with a new energy and freedom. I am very grateful for this year of transformation. I thought it would be a year of losing weight. But no it has been a year so far of some hard lessons that have changed me for the better, have matured me and given me a joy that is immeasurable.
Work has been busy. I am at peace with the difficulties that I had in June. It took me two months of struggle and some depression and finally prayer to come to the peace that only God can give. Nothing has changed but I have changed. We started a new computer system 4 weeks ago. Lots of stress, lots of overtime, but a good feeling of overcoming the "Beacon Beast". Last week I started to cross train in preop which is like starting a new job with getting up at 4 am four days a week. So the answer to the question how is the weight loss going? I am the same...not too shabby in my eyes considering. I am still eating much healthier. I have no doubt that the weight loss will come and I will see victory. Gods ways are not my ways.
Did not weigh myself this week. We had a complete new way of doing our jobs initiated this week with not much training so I did not stick to the program. It was stressful but I noticed I am dealing with stress much better since I was not as bad as I have been in other times. Yeah! I had my birthday yesterday. I forgot to ask for it off for work so it was an OK day for working on my birthday. I am still not coming to terms with being 55. We had fun painting pottery to be glazed at the Kork and Kiln. I painted and David tried the wine. Then we went and ate Italian. I was so pleased to say no to food with lactose in it. I am becoming more intolerant each day. So I woke up today feeling well and happy to go on to life doing better on many levels. Kudos to my sweet husband for going to a pottery place just for me!
Wow! 2 more lbs down. Life is going well in the eating dept. Also, I just got my DVD yesterday to start the Cardio Yoga. Nothing like the present to start...
Life is very interesting. Many contrasts: from my friend Cynthia visiting back from the Peace Corp in Mozambique to my worrying about becoming 55 next week. The silly things we do and worry about. I am thankful that I don't have to walk each day 4 miles to get my water to drink. Instead, I worry about how many glasses of water I am drinking each day to help me on my diet for optimum health. I am thankful I don't have to live in a mud hut at 100 degrees F sweltering but really don't care for the FL heat wave that I have to be in momentarily in a hot car before the air conditioning kicks in. I am thankful I not vomiting all the way home from church with two kind African women holding me up for the long distance when I am not really comfortable in my cushy job when I am nauseated from overeating the night before or eating the wrong thing from being lactose intolerant...as I said before a life of contrasts! Rwanda with all of its poverty, and don't get me wrong it is poor, is much better when we are there compared to Cynthia in MZ. Thank you God for all that I have and for all that you have given me. Thank you for the privilege of being able to live the life that you have given to me. Help me to remember what you have given to me and to be grateful each day!
Lots of musings: I continue to have struggles on and off from the work problems over a month ago. Did some inner healing work this weekend. The wound went really deep. I think it will take a while to be completely healed. I am moving on more and more. Please pray for one of my blogger followers from work Pat who had her trunk lid fall on her head and went to the hospital yesterday for a brain bleed. Saw vita-tops in my grocers freezer today. Won't buy them for a while (see why in notes below). God moment in watching PBS this weekend. It was Dr Amen's program on the brain and weight loss, Change Your Brain Change Your Body. David and I are now doing his get off sugar for 2 weeks program. We started yesterday. I am feeling somewhat better than I was. I am going to try cardio yoga after the 2 weeks is up. Only gained 3 lbs with stress eating in the last month and a half. Today, I am really daring. I have not posted my starting weight for all the world to see. Too scary but I think I need to see that number more than anyone else. One step at a time. If you know me well enough you know that even though I have trials I don't give up. I may not lose 100 lbs in 365 days but I will have a good loss by the end. I am working on the inner and outer selves at the same time. Apparently the inner one has to come first...
Notes from Dr Amen's Lecture:
Change Your Brain Change Your Body
1. Boost your brain to lose your belly – boost your brain health.
2. Know your motivation – burning desire to be healthy. To spend time with my David and to have energy and be smart and look fabulous
3. Know your brain type – Elizabeth: Impulsive Compulsive Overeater - exercise, 5HTP and green tea, stop eating after dinner, high protein.
4. Use brain specific supplements to boost your body. Minimum 5 fruits and vegetables/day. Multiple Vitamin, omega 3 fatty acids (1-2 Grams fish oil/day). Vitamin D3.
5. Get your cravings under control. 1. Keep your blood sugar balanced (Alpha Lipoic Acid and Chromium, eat breakfast, stay away from simple sugars and refined carbohydrates – substitute blueberries, bananas, and apples – 2 weeks of avoiding sugars for the cravings to go away. 2. Decrease the artificial sweeteners in your diet. (use stevia). 3. Reduce stress – meditation and hypnosis. 4. Manage food triggers, know vulnerable times – plan ahead. 5. Know hidden food allergies – milk and gluten decrease blood flow to the brain.
6. Kill the Automatic Negative Thoughts – ANTS. Get control of your mind. Challenge your thoughts, write them down.
7. Eat right to think right: 1. Think high quality calories in versus high quality energy out. Eating more calories than you need make you fatter, sicker and less productive. (Cancer, heart disease etc.). Like money, when you bankrupt your brain, you bankrupt your body. Write down your calories so you won’t lie to yourself. 2. Drink plenty of water and not too many of your calories. Brain is 80% water. Caffeine dehydrates. 3. Eat high quality protein during the day. It stabilizes your blood sugar. Fish, lean turkey or chicken, beans, raw nuts and high protein vegetables like broccoli and spinach. 4. Eat low glycemic high fiber carbohydrates. Whole grains, vegetables and fruit such as apples and blueberries. The whiter the bread the faster you are dead. Sugar increases inflammation in the body, increases erratic firing in your brain, and has been implicated in aggression. 5. Eliminate all bad fats, all animal fats, and all trans fats. Fat stores toxic material - we are eating anything toxic that the animal ate. Fats in pizza, ice-cream, and cheeseburgers fool the brain into ignoring the signals that you should be full. Focus on eating omega 3’s especially salmon, walnuts, avocados and green leafy vegetables. High cholesterol in your 40’s leads to Alzheimer’s in your 60-70’s. Niacin, avocados, and garlic lower cholesterol. Too low cholesterol levels can lead to suicide or homicide. 6. Eat from the rainbow – blueberries, squash, etc. 7. Use brain healthy herbs – turmeric lowers the plaque from Alzheimer’s. Sage boosts memory. Cinnamon helps attention and increases sexual tension in men. Eating right gains in longevity, brain power, energy and time with loved ones. For example: Whey protein and fruit shake for breakfast, raw veggies for am snack, chicken, avocado, veggie whole wheat sandwich at lunch, fruit and nuts for pm snack, and salad or soup, veggies, and protein ie fish for dinner. Dressing on the side. Dessert frozen blueberries with Greek yogurt. The right routine means success. There are no cravings with this diet.
8. Know your health numbers: BMI (18.5 to 25 is normal) over 30 is obese. Know your calories if you don’t know the calories, don’t eat it. Weigh and measure your food. Count fruit and vegetables a day (7 to 10/day to lower your risk for cancer). Eat more vegetables than fruit. Get 7 preferably 8 hours of sleep/night. If not you get lower blood flow to the brain, extra fat on your body, and more cravings. Know your vitamin D level. Know inflammation markers especially C-reactive protein. Wrinkled skin, diabetes, heart disease, too much fat on your body, and Alzheimer’s. Fish oil, calorie restriction and a baby aspirin can all help decrease inflammation. Know hormone levels thyroid, cortisol and DHEA. Low testosterone, low progesterone, low estrogen, cholesterol, BP and blood sugar.
9. Hypnosis or meditation improves the weight loss. 12 minutes increase blood flow to the brain.
10. Start today. Being loving, connected, being helpful, doing good works are what we want. So start today…